Hey!

It’s been a long time since I wrote my last blog. Jus got busy!!! I was totally full for the last couple of months with various tasks behind my heels. I was so bugged with working on the technical front that I desperately wanted to do something different. Thank god, I should admit that my moles do a better job than me. One day I was brooding over the monotony of doing data loads and next day I was into operations. Thank u boss! Though initially I was a little unwaged, but soon I could see my work gaining momentum. At least I was not asked to sit before the dumb PC 24-7.

Off late I have become so sluggish that I am not able to squeeze time to finish even my own personal errands. Leave alone helping mom or dad, I don’t even hassle to clean my own room. All I am able to do is work, eat and sleep. Sheesh I have become so lethargic and I hate myself for it. But then I am reassuring myself by saying that I have every right to be lazy after slogging the entire day at work. I know I m being self-seeking! I don’t even do a quarter of what my mom does. But then I am not able to help it. Can anyone offer me a solution???? Sorry mom L

To change my sentiment of guilt I guess the almighty himself is offering me certain things. I know what you are thinking!!!

Things that helped me cope up with stress….

1) My two day trip to Kodai.

2) Meeting my BF after 4 whole months…Gosh I guess that was the best part. I was so happy all through his stay here. I wish n hope he felt the same.

3) Fighting and pulling each other’s leg during the 15 minute break that we get in office.

4) Getting the “FEATHER IN MY CAP” Award for outstanding performance and excellent contribution in my previous project.

5) Weekend get together at my colleague’s home. We had good food and of course nice time talking abt loads of unofficial things.

The Ac in my Office right now is too high, which is not allowing me to reflect anything beyond what I have written now. Will write more in days to come.

Ciao :)

Its "OK" to cry

The night was still and the wind was chill… Smiling all time it din matter how difficult was the situation at hand. All it mattered was the fact that there was still a time ahead, which would be devoid of all worries and problems. But the question was “How long would be the wait for such a time?” Buzzing with same unanswered questions everyday, she sat there in the corner of the room sipping her coffee which had long since turned cold.

Hiding her emotions from others wasn’t new to her. She had done that rite through. Nobody could read the pain in her eyes and emotions of her heart. Or rather she was very successful in making sure that nobody knew the "real" her…

Bold, confident and fun loving was what she wanted others to think about her.

But amidst all this she knew she had one person in her life who meant everything to her. She knew he was always there for her. The fear of his departure from her life was far worse than what she was going through everyday. She never knew relationships were so complicated and painful. She never cribbed and faced everything as though she was unscathed by the life’s brutal realities. Love, care and affection were all that she craved for. Sometimes she wondered whether it was so difficult to get even these simplest pleasures in life.


As the night grew darker and as loneliness engulfed her, she desperately wanted to see him. Jus for one word of comfort…. Just for one rush of love… jus for one fleeting moment of togetherness….jus for one moment of joy….. Just for one moment of care and peace. As reality hit her hard she looked around her empty room and then it all crowded on her… The weight of responsibility, the endless time alone, the ruthless reality of nightmares that lay ahead.

And solitude….. She felt as though she was submerged at the bottom of the great sea of solitude.

She yearned to meet him. But she was also afraid that she would spoil the little time they spent together if she became emotional. She was determined to put a smiling face when she met him. The moment finally arrived and they met. As he took her into his arms, all the determination broke and she was lost. Unexpected, convulsive sobs overtook her and she lay in his arms sobbing.

He lifted her chin and looked straight into her eyes. She felt embarrassed to be seen crying “.I am sorry”, were the first words she spoke. She herself din know why she apologized. She dint mean to cry. She was so determined to smile.

He kissed her gently and said that it was "OK" to cry. The words seemed to surge in a great deal of relief in her. He said “I want to be your smile when you are happy and your tears when you sad.” She realized that she can be herself only when she was with him. She knew he was always there for her and that it was OK to allow herself to feel weak and let out her feelings. It then dawned to her as to how much it meant to speak her heart out to someone who was the reason for it still beating every moment.

THE UNREQUITED LOVE

She was striking.... He admired her silently. Though she wasn’t a gal with a bad stance, yet she did not like him. One coz he wasn’t cool and other coz he was a bit unadventurous and bookish. Is it my mistake that I study well???? He wondered... He tried his best...But he couldn’t fail or do badly in his studies as others did... Or for that matter he didn’t think it was cool to break rules or act rather boisterous as others did. Alas he couldn’t help being himself....He tried to be friends with her.

She spoke to him occasionally and those few moments made him the happiest guy in the world. But amidst this what hurt him was the fact that she totally overlooked his presence and even upset him at times when her "Coolest" friends were around.

Nevertheless he loved her, He din know why. He found it tough to disgust her by any means.

He never confided his thoughts to anyone except one gal whom he knew for years.

She sometimes asked him,” Why the hell do u love her, when she doesn’t even look at u???"

He inaudibly looked at her. She knew he had no answer for this. He merely shrugged.

Yet she stuck on with him..."A true friend", he called her.

He never had the nerve to propose her. That was because he knew what wud be the answer that he wud be getting in return. And also knew that it wud end his approbation for her. He couldn’t bear either of them happening to him.

Years passed on without a word of love being confessed...The gals friendliness towards him kept diminishing...but what kept mounting progressively was his "true friend's" back-up and his awe and love towards the gal.

Suddenly one day he died, too young to depart.

Crushing so many hearts as he ceased to live....

He wasn’t a perfect man as many thought he was...He left behind too many unchained knots, unread hearts and a unrequited love....

His death made no difference to gal whom he loved so much...Coz she never knew he had loved her.

In his dairy he had written in bold letters “I AM SORRY. I WAS A COWARD, I DIN CONFESS"

Nobody who read the dairy understood what the expression meant except his "true friend"

As the "true friend" closed the dairy and looked at his picture with eyes full of callous tears , she said "YOU WERE SO BRAVE TO LOVE EVEN WHEN U KNEW U WUD GET NOTHING IN RETURN"

The price for being novel was too much...she thought...

But yes he din pretend...His love so pure...He was truly” FLAWLESS”.

The Gal in Glasses

She is 5'9. It’s her height that grabs your attention. She was quiet and reserved. A gal so subdued, that u would stop to think wat she was all about. Right from the time she was born two things came effortlessly to her; crying - jus to escort her mother wherever she went and thinking out of the world. But one sparkling facet that she had and which her other sisters lacked was her fortitude and forbearance. (* She tolerated any mokkai at any point of time). She was the pinnacle of sensitivity. To say, that she would offer everything if she sees a beggar and start crying coz his life was so bad (*I told u already that she loved crying ;)) She was named Krithika as she was born in Krithikai Nakshatram ( Birth Star for those who din get wat I said). She had certain bizarre habits like collecting tons and tons of chocolate wrappers (*When her mom found it and threw them out, the whole street was swamped with chocolate wrappers and the street sweeper went berserk with them). Whenever she went out with her dad she had the habit of clinging to his shirt. And soon all his shirts had longer sleeves… And the best part was the way she ate idlis (*Rice Cakes). She used to pop in her finger right in the middle of it, so that it resembled something like a chakra that Lord Krishna had in his hand (* Sorry I have no English translation for this…) and ate it on all sides by rotating the idli…..LOL she was so cute when she did that. Krithika was fondly called “MISS 8.45”. No matter what happened around her, she was asleep at sharp 8.45. And she comfortably slept even while standing.

Being with her was so much fun. To describe her perfectly she was “Veetla Puli, Velila Eli” (She was lion at home and a mouse outside). After she completed her under grads, people who knew her wondered how she was going to survive. That was because she seldom spoke and din fuse much. In short she was a closed book. No body could read her. Or rather it would be befitting to say that no body attempted to read her. If only they had, then they would have come to know abt how striking and baffling she was. Her first job raised many questions. Coz her job involved a lot of speaking and interaction. She was scoffed at by many. That was the turning point of her life. She now had two important tasks at hand. First was to get out of her comfort zone and the second was to prove herself to all others who thought she couldn't survive. As I said earlier her forbearance and fortitude came to her aid. She solely depended on them to prove herself. It took a lot of guts to take criticism in the right spirit. And she did that with a lot of affirmative ardor. She was mounting silently. She could see success churning her way. Yet what made her crave for more was her unfussiness and focus towards verve and her purpose. She surpassed all of them, whom she herself taught was better than her. And when she did that she got the buoyancy that was so long veiled deep down. From a small unresponsive kid who refused to go to school, she rose to a branch manager in HR in a top notch firm. She not only manages her company but also a sweet family of hers, which she recently chose to be a part of. Her true success was evident when she had many offers in hand, each of whom were forcing her to join their firm for what she was capable.

She now opens doors to thousands of people who were similar to her, Jus to make them understand the power of time and transformation. She finally proved “optimism” as the sole recipe of success. What is important is not what u were, its abt wat u are now and wat u are gonna be in the future. All it took Krithika to come out of her comfort zone was the right stance. And it’s never late to change your attitude is wat she always says…Now she no longer cries :) though she still clings to her husband’s shirt while walking. Thank god exclaimed her dad... "my shirts will no longer have a longer sleeves".

Why me!!!

Priya was a getting older… She was exceptionally good-looking and was working in a good company earning a decent salary. Now the only thing that was left was her marriage. Priya was very close to her mom…They did not share the customary mother-daughter relationship. They were jus like two unsurpassed friends. She never obscured anything from her mother… Right from the low marks that she scored in the class tests to the love letters that she received. She was a very peculiar gal…. She was excruciatingly candid yet mysteriously congenial…She knew where to draw her confines. She did not fall in love with anybody during her school or college life. May be because of the fact that she was too young to commit during her school life and she was excessively in company of gals during her college life (now don drop into conclusions….that’s only coz she studied in a women’s college). Her parents were extremely proud of her daughter coz she had given them the complete autonomy of choosing a life partner for her. The moment she had told them that she was mentally prepared to get married, the exploration started… But they did not go on and ask every Tom, Dick n Harry… The pace was slow…. They did not publicize.


Priya’s dad was an ex-service man in the Indian Army. One day her mom received a horoscope of a boy who was a fighter pilot in Air force.

It was a typical mom’s reaction….
She said, “Aji (Thts how Priya’s mom referred her dad. Reverence u see), the boy is from Air force…and that too he is a fighter pilot…I think I ll give it a rest. Women usually have the ultimate utterance, so there was no arguments abt it. And there lay the “turmeric smeared” horoscope in a lonely corner.


As days passed by this fighter pilot was entirely forgotten. On a particular evening Priya and her mom dropped in at the house of their distant cousin. “Uma”, as she was called was an entrepreneur, who had a “Designer salwar” boutique at her own house. Priya by and large brought her outfits from her, coz it was steadfast for quality and comfortable for her wallet. When they were discussing over coffee, Uma suddenly asked,
“Did u find any good match for Priya???”
For which her mom replied…” No luck yet!!! We are still rummaging around. No problem, we have lots of time…she added, to hide the disappointment from her voice”.
Then Uma suggested “Yen amanji paiyan nu kum pathundu eruka…. (Amanji, Meaning some distant cousin yaar...please don’t ask me the relation coz it’s highly complicated like mama oda onu vita….. No let me stop here) Uma added …He is a very good boy. And the only son (As if tat mattered) and above all he is a fighter pilot in Air force…


Something suddenly struck a cod for Priya’s mom she asked Uma skeptically “Avan oda peru Prakash a???? (Meaning - is his name “Prakash”)…
Uma hastened,
“Yes, how do you know????”
And her mother started recounting the story of receiving the horoscope, about a month before and being apprehensive about the fact that the guy was a fighter pilot.


For which Uma zealously replied, “Hey u have mistaken, U ll never find a guy like that (*did he have extra fittings???? Err…. I meant the nose, eyes etc… ;)). He is a hardcore gentleman and a pukka teetotaler. And above all the family is very simple. They don’t expect anything from the gal’s side.


Wat more did a mother need for her daughter. Priya’s mother was simply privileged beyond measure (an offer too tempting to resist u c).

Uma slowly said “You can meet the guy if u want; he is here at the moment!!! She had saved this petite tiding for the last to watch their retort (Rather I should say she was enjoying the perplexing reaction on both their faces.

Prakash was there on a short retreat and was pretty amused when he heard the sudden prospect of meeting a gal with whom his horoscope was in the “WAITING LIST”. However he agreed. Prakash was moderate built and was an inch taller than Priya. In short, a perfect match to Priya. They were formally introduced to each other and soon after both were left unaccompanied to converse.


Apart from themselves nobody else knew what they spoke…. But unpredictably their banter lasted for more than four hours. With no other choice left, Uma and her mother had to butt in their conversation coz it was getting late. They exchanged a quite “nice meeting you” and “goodbye”. (*NO other go… her mom n Uma were irrationally protective by utterly refusing to move out of the place. . .)


He waved her goodbye….And she smiled back (*romba nalla ponnu madhiri build up). That night things reached the heights of discussion at her home .Priya’s dad asked her “Are you ready to face that kind of a life???? You know very well about the risks the job involves….”

For which she replied “Risks are involved in every man’s life…what is destined to happen will surely happen Appa” (paiyana pudichierku solradha vitutu philosophy vera….)
But fortunately, her father got her silent message


“Now after 5 years the, fighter pilot fights only in the war field Err…for obvious reason u see….” In short I meant to say that they got married.


The “turmeric smeared” horoscope which lay in the lonely corner finally found its purpose….”Whom has fate spared???? (Vedhi yaara vetudhu????) Now whenever Prakash meets Uma all he thinks is…. Nan sivane nu vacation nu ku vanden…enaku velangu matitiye ma….nan apadi enna paavam pannen???? Eppadi erundha nan(fighter pilot) epadi agiten (forever silent) .

The Brown Eyed Buddy - Contd.

What began as a petite exchange soon blossomed into a gorgeous friendship... It did not take them long to know each other... They slowly became conscious about how parallel they were in everything.... Be it in food, fashion, performance, stance and what not... They barely knew stuff in which they both were diverse (*except for the fact that they had different boyfriends). As both of them belonged to different streams they did not attend their classes together...yet they both were spotted together more than anybody else (*even more than the principal and the secretary ;)). Days became fantastic as they joined at the hip. They were termed as the "TWINS" of the college. If one of them was seen without the other, teachers usually remarked “oi where is ur twin???" And they would put on their pompous grin in reply. Confiding in each other became a convention, rather than stipulation to do so. The bond that both of them shared was purely unexplainable.

Thoughts flowed incessantly, Silence was never unnerving, misunderstandings hardly lasted for a second …love, care and the sense of belonging was in profusion. Thts how it was between them. They talked about almost everything under the sun. They experienced some extraordinary moments together... Their fusion became intense when both of them were elected for the student council of their college. One such remarkable moment was when they cut classes for the first time...If u had to depict that day using a distinct word then it would be pertinent to say "PATHETIC”.

They had planned this "bunk" a day before. To make it look as natural as possible they started to college at their usual timings and met outside their college. The problem was, the plan to bunk was decided but where would they go after bunking was still in evolution. After much ruckus they decided that they would go to a movie at a nearby theatre. They reached the theatre around 8:30. But to their disappointment all they were doing is giving company to the watchman and the cleaner out there, coz the ticket counter opened only at 9.30 and the movie was scheduled at 10:30. Though Ash din know Tamil ;) and the panorama of translating the entire movie to her seemed too much, they din have much choice other than to watch a movie that they already knew was chucked out of box office for its "unendurable" storyline (* Hey ppl ...no no no...That’s wrong. It’s not the kind of movie that u think. Ok the movie was "JAY JAY”...happy??? Now get a hold on urself. I know how wild u can imagine".) After a long wait of 1 hour they finally bought the tickets. As time went by they could not spot even a single gal in the theatre (except them of course) and crowd was too gross for them to handle...They could not see a movie in such a situation....Jus 2 gals in the whole theatre (Pretty gals...note the point)??? NO WAY! They had to do something....They went to the ticket counter and asked the manager to take back their tickets (ok…ok…requested the manager :( ). He gave them an "Idellam unaku thevaya...ozunga college ku poi seravendiyadhu thane...kalela la vandhu uyir edukudhunga paaru look.”, and refunded their money. Happy about their escape but sad abt their wretched encounter they set out to another theatre... It was even worse there.... The morning show was already in progress and the afternoon show was only at 3.30. They were not ready to spend 150 bucks to watch shirtless Sallu and the intolerable romance between Amitabh and Hemamalini in “BAGBHAN” (OMG...they were singing songs over telephone...sheesh how jobless). Snubbed and mortified by the hot sun (ogay..freeya vedu)... they went on to find a decent restaurant to gobble...though both their moms had neatly packed lunch thinking they were going to college(sorry mommy). Finally they found a Punjabi Dhaba and checked in. The restaurant was in the third floor and all the way through the lift they had to endure the life operator who mumbled how somebody can eat this Punjabi food that was so costly. As they reached the 3rd floor and sat down in the deserted restaurant looking for someone to take orders, a lofty and plump Punjabi came from inside and told “Didi...Khana nehi milega, gas khatam. (Meaning...u won’t get food here. Gas is over.... Even more hurting was the fact that a man, as lofty and overgrown as he was, called both of them "didi (sister)"...sheesh"). Vexed up to the hub they came out …got the bus...went straight home and ate mommy's food :(

If this was unforgettable fun...Imagine the fun they had for the entire three years...It was the best 3 years of their life. They could not find anybody who was similar to them. “
No one can be like Ash”, S--- said proudly.
Now both of them are far apart, shaping their career and treading their own paths...But very much in touch. . The days were always fun-filled when they were together but now there is a void in their life without being in each other's companionship – A friend to laugh with, talk anything to without having to think of the consequences- literally any senseless thing, to fight with, to share sentiments, egos and to cry with. The fights that they had occasionally always made them closer to each other. Before they could fully enjoy this best-of-its-kind friendship, it was time for them to part. As time passes by, they would not even know where they will be, what their profile would be, who they will be with, what would they be doing, when we would they meet next... Remembering and loving the deal that they had with each other - even 10 years down the lane, if they find each other they would say that they were meant to be “FRIENDS FOREVER”... Cheers to such a wonderful relationship.

To Ash with love....

The Brown Eyed Buddy

This post is specially dedicated to "Ash"

She was reaching the heights of fretfulness that she could hardly sleep. And jus as she felt herself doze, the alarm shrieked.......TRINGGGGGGGGGGGG....

She looked at the alarm with her half closed eyes. It was jus 5:30. She tried to go back to her catnap but in vain...she forced herself out of the bed and shut herself in the bathroom. 10 mins later she heard her mom shouting "Do you want to keep brushing till Ur teeth turns into a tube light?"
She din want to risk her mom's temper again, so she came out and found her morning dose of fresh coffee waiting to arouse her sanity. As she sipped her coffee, she opened her wardrobe and looked at the dress she would wear that day. She had been rehearsing all this for the past one week.... Which dress to wear, which bag to carry, was her slippers clean, did she look fat etc.... She could not be blamed for her exhilaration; after all it was her first day to college.


The journey from her home to college was very gripping to her as this was the first time she was traveling alone somewhere, sans her parents. The bus came to a sudden halt zapping her back to senses. Her bus stop had arrived and she carefully got down from the bus and walked towards her college.

Upon stepping in she found that everything around her was novel...Basically studying in co education school, she was new to this "ALL GALS" environment. It was nothing like her school. She was an audacious gal but something wedged her gorge and she stood there too tentative to approach someone. She stood still for what seemed more than 10 mins, suddenly she realized what she was doing.Now she had to go and ask someone, how long could she stand there and keep staring... Finally suppressing her qualms she went up to a gal in a green salwar and asked "Are you a fresher?" The gal stared back as though she had been asked an indecent question and replied a loud "NO". Suddenly the thought of asking every gal if they were a fresher seemed outright ridiculous to her. As she stood there uncertain about how to proceed she heard an announcement from a distinct source. ". Freshers are kindly requested to report to the auditorium”.

Before the voice over the mike grew fainter she could see lots and lots of gals moving towards the auditorium. She followed silently. Was she the only gal who looked lost??? Did all these gals know how to handle the situation??? Were they not tensed as she was??? Was she so ignorant???? Her mind was buzzing with so many unanswered questions.

As she entered the auditorium she noticed that gals were already in groups. One more question bubbled up to the surface. Did they form the group jus then or did they know each other already??? She felt so abandoned.

She moved further and sat down in an empty chair in the corner. Somehow, she did not fancy herself to be spotted. As minutes ticked by she could see more and more gals filling the room. Slowly she started talking with the gals near her; she asked "Which stream?" The gal replied "B.Comm and you?" Before she could reply that she was from "B.Sc" the gal next to her exclaimed "Hey B.Comm...Same here..." They both began talking happily ever after. Not only did they talk, they also vacated the chair and moved further (Probably they found another gal from their own stream in the 2nd row).

This wonderful gesture by the fellow Freshers continued for the next 15 minutes until she neatly concluded that perusing B.sc in a college where no one else seemed to be of the same stream was atrocious. She sat alone cursing herself, just then a gal came to her and asked, "May I sit here?" She instantly said "Yes of course". The gal smiled and replied "Hi I m ash you?"
She replied "Hi I m S---, Btw which stream?" the gal said “B.Comm" She thought even this gal would soon be vacating this chair. But she managed a weak smile.

They started talking and she expressed her frustration of not finding anyone of her own stream to ash. Soon 2 more gals came and occupied the seats before them. And unfortunately to S--- dismay they also belonged to the "B.Comm Stream". She thought that Ash would start talking to her batch mates, but Ash continued talking to her as though she was not interested in both the gals sitting before her, who were from her own stream...


This relaxed S-- to a great extent and she asked "So where do you live?"
Ash replied “I stay in --------------".
Oh really!!! She exclaimed "That where even I live..."

Wow that’s cool.... And that was a beginning of beautiful journey of friendship and hysterical banter.



......... To be continued